"Perfect" in 9 languages!

Being perfect in one language seems incredible and 9 seems impossible.

Tim Sanford’s book, “I Have to be Perfect and other parsonage heresies” is now available in 9 languages! The latest version-Czech.

“I Have to be Perfect and Other Parsonage Heresies”, Czech version, published by Nakladatelstvi KMS, Prague.

In the next few months I’ll be sharing a bit on each chapter of this amazing book, AKA “the little red book,” in ministry circles. Let’s get started with a general idea.

The ability to be perfect is a heresy. The target audiences for this book are MKs (Missionary Kids) and PKs (Preacher Kids). Many adult MKs and PKs, have shared how this book impacted their understanding of their family, themselves, and others. I’m not a PK or MK, and find the myth busting of perfectionism relevant. Maybe you grew up in a family where perfection was expected due to your family’s position of leadership in the community, professionally, or politically. Or a parent, or another adult, saw you as a representation of themselves, or may be you expect you to be perfect

Often times I see not fitting in, not being perfect, not being perfect enough, not being what others or another expects or wants, not being “something"….results in our feeling that our life is not full, joyful, or more tragically, not worth living. We pick a “something”, or maybe a few things we see as lacking, and become hyper focused on perfecting these. We pick and point-out the something and we keep pointing and picking. It can become a sore in our very being. We forget, or forget how, to look at other things and to have a multi-faceted, multi-focused view of ourselves and lives.

Alexandra Valoras was a high school student and a high achiever, successful, outgoing, smart, seemed happy to others. She was loved and valued. She was excelling, had big plans, and high expectations for herself. She seemed to attain what she went after in her young life. Hidden from the world was what she truly thought, felt and believed.

Her parents, family, friends (I’m so sorry for their loss of her to suicide) didn’t have any idea what her inner life was - what her thoughts and feelings were. They couldn’t. She didn’t want them to know. She gave no clues or signs. Sometimes those that take their lives don’t disclose. For those of us living after them - the grief can feel compounded by the unknown. I’ve shared how I lost my brother in another blog. My family and I have lost someone to death in suicide, and we don’t know why. Maybe you’ve lost someone or are afraid you will. If there’s, or was, a reason given, it still doesn’t seem to be reason enough to us. We can’t make sense of it. Years have passed now since the death of my brother and I realize that it wouldn’t matter if he had left a note or if I knew why - now, after the fact. I can’t think of any reason that I would accept or think, or feel, “ah, that makes sense. I understand.” Perhaps intellectually I could understand….but not really.

Alexandra wrote in her journal, found after her death, her real thoughts, how she really felt, what she hid. Her parents express shock. They had no idea. Alexandra, from what I’ve seen and read, was living with incredible internal struggle. Perfectionism was there - like many of us, she expected that of herself. Sometimes it’s ,“I have to be Perfect”, then the questions come of “Why?” and maybe, “What’s the point?”.

The myth of being perfect in some way, or all ways, can be put on us by someone else or ourselves.

If you’re struggling with feelings of hopelessness or feel overwhelmed today and are thinking of ending your life - don’t. You’ll feel differently later - statistics show this to be true. Give yourself some grace. Give someone else grace. Circumstances change, our feelings and even our thoughts can change. Our lives can change in an instant. If you’re thinking about suicide - Tell someone and keep telling - it may not seem like it now but things will change, you can find help and hope.

Call the 988 - National Suicide Prevention Lifeline for free, from anywhere in the USA. 1-800-273-TALK. Call if you or someone else is considering suicide. Call 988!

If someone tells you they’re thinking about suicide - LISTEN. Listen first and fully - then listen for how you can help.

No one is perfect - that’s the truth, not a myth and not heresy. Let’s look at a few myths of perfectionism, bust ’em and get free.

Be safe and find hope - continue on the journey with me, learning to live life well!