The power of "and"....

Here’s our first look at, I Have to be Perfect, by Timothy L Sanford , Chapter 1:

“One of the hardest words for many PKs (preachers kids - and many others for which this title doesn’t apply) to say is the small, simple word …

‘AND’

How many times would it have been helpful, even accurate, for you to say, ‘and’?

- There were good times … and … there were hard times.

- Dad was a good dad  … and … he made some mistakes too.”

Tim gives examples of several conflicting statements and explains that situations can occur simultaneously that are conflicting and contrasting, AND both may be true, as in the statements above. When we try to live in this ever contrasting world without “and”, difficult situations and relationships can seem even harder. 

For example, we can care about someone and have feelings of apathy toward them at times. A person can do things well and poorly at times - even at the same time. A person can care for us and hurt us too - think family secrets or secrets kept to protect an institution, cause, or relationship. 

Being able to see how a person, situation or feelings, can have both positive and negative aspects can be very freeing, expand our experience of life and boost our mental health! 

Tim writes: 

“Just because not everything was good does not mean everything, therefore, was bad. Addressing the difficult things, the painful things, the wrong things or the disappointing things you may have experienced does not nullify the positive, the fun, the enjoyable …”

I think this place of “and” can create a place to give grace. Sometimes we need to hold the negative a little looser and look for the positive to hold closer. Neither Tim, or I, would say to ignore or disregard the “bad” experiences, especially in the case of abuse, mistreatment, or disrespect. (If you’ve been abused or assaulted please get help-tell someone you trust). Many of us live a lot of life where we can use more “and” to experience, and give, grace. 

There’s a story in Chapter 1, of a woman that approaches Tim after one of his talks. She shares some of her life experiences and was “glad to have a safe place to tell the truth.” 

Tim says, “She didn’t need therapy. She needed the freedom to verbalize the ‘and.’” 

We may be looking for this freedom and the permission to do the same. Our experiences can be more meaningful and layered when we remember to say “and.” It can be a true connector. Join us at LifEdvice, “Learning to Live Life Well!”