Happier Holidays

The holidays are here. I’m sure you saw the bizarre mix of holidays while shopping just a few weeks ago. You could see Halloween, Thanksgiving, Christmas and seasonal holidays from other cultures too all displayed alongside each other. A weird mix of skulls and manager scenes; pumpkins and peppermints; straw and shiny tinsel. To add to this experience of holiday chaos, I was watching a TiVo’d show that had commercials for Labor Day Sales!

How do you feel about all the choices that need to be made this time of year? Many of us are making decisions about the same things like which guests to invite to the holiday party and which gifts to purchase? These are, of course, just a few of the many choices that will be made. Just having multiple choices has been shown to increase our anxiety levels. You’d think the more choices we have the better we’d feel but that’s not the case. Check out this link from Psych Central to learn some easy to acquire skills to make better decisions.

So what stresses you, or increases your anxiety this time of year? Is it preparing for guests, preparing your home, preparing meals and treats? What about the extra financial strain? What about those difficult family relationships? Some of us are dreading spending time with family members we find annoying, or that are critical of us or others, maybe someone that is so anxious themselves it overflows and others are uncomfortable. Some of us are anxious about meeting those family members that hurt us in the past. Maybe that hurt was emotional, maybe it was physical, maybe you’re worried about someone else being hurt.

Relationships are complex and the holidays can exacerbate areas of concern and the areas in which we are content. We can have unrealistic expectations of the bad things and the good things that can happen. This is the season that some of us can’t wait to see that favorite holiday movie or just hope, whether we’re aware or not, that this holiday season there will be that sentimental “Hallmark Moment”. Maybe you’re hoping for a relationship to be restored or a relationship to start.

When I was looking for info for this blog I came across this article on managing stress during the holidays at Hallmark’s website - I had to check it out. I need to disclose, Hallmark isn’t making much money from me as a consumer. I rarely purchase cards and don’t watch the Hallmark Channel - with that said - I was very glad to see there are some good practical tips on managing holiday relationship stress in the article.

If we created a continuum for holiday family stress, it could go from the (left side) mildly annoying relative to the relative that when we even think of seeing them, feelings churn up of genuine fear and panic (right side) because of a wrong done to us or someone we care about. The tips in the article are for the anxiety we experience well into the left side. For feelings that are on the right side you may be dealing with how to manage safety, trustworthiness, and perhaps forgiveness. For tips on dealing with the right side, I recommend you check out Tim Sanford’s book, Forgive for Real: Six Steps to Forgiving. It’s a great resource to use now to be better prepared for those complex relationship interactions - especially during the holidays - that may have begun with carving the turkey and may come to a close at the New Year’s Eve ball drop in Time Square!

Happier Holidays as you learn to live life well!