I have to be perfect...
Aarin Harper
I have to be perfect…
“Often the interesting twist to this heresy is that you are the only one bound by it. Others don’t have to be perfect. Just you. Others are allowed to be human and make mistakes, but you aren’t", pg 25, I have to be Perfect (and other parsonage heresies), by Timothy L Sanford.
I hadn’t realized it…but this is often true. Are you a perfectionist? Do you have “high expectations” of yourself? Do you strive for “excellence”? Interesting that we may have an unattainable goal for ourselves but we don’t expect the same of others. Why is that?
Why is it that we may set unattainable goals or expectations for ourselves but we don’t require the same of others? We allow others to make mistakes, missteps, and miss-communications - we give others grace. I think we often wish we could grant the same to ourselves. There are times we wish someone else would give that to us.
In “I Have to be Perfect”, Tim explores the difficult world “should” creates and the negative connections that word creates impacting our self-confidence, often resulting in anxiety and depression. If you’re struggling with perfectionism, anxiety, depression - or strong emotions that may seem overwhelming - please share these with someone you trust. Just telling someone can be a powerful step toward regaining your footing in this sometimes precarious world.
During this time of year when we may be reflecting on what happened before and what may happen next, we can feel pleased, excited, hopeful, or discouraged, defeated or numb. You may need to leave some of those “should’s” in the past and focus on the “can’s”. Whatever you’re feeling or thinking be mindful of the impact to you and others. Share your feelings with someone, as I mentioned previous, or check-in with someone that is struggling and open the door for them to share with you.
I also want to challenge you to think of 3 things your thankful for in the year that is ending and 3 things that you are thankful for in the one that’s just beginning. Sharing these can be great to as well!
And if you’re finding it difficult to identify things for which you are thankful because at this time you find the world to be gray or dark, may be you have persistent thoughts about harm - contact a friend, therapist, health care provider or call 988 to get access to resources near you. Reach out, tell someone, get help. You’re not the only one - there is help.
We’re at the end of one year, entering into a new one - I encourage you to make it a hope filled, good start.
Check out Tim’s other books and the E4 Method to master change at LifEdvice, learning to live life well!
