EMBRACE Change - Step 1

The E4 Method for mastering change: EMBRACE, EXPLORE, ENGAGE, EXAMINE

When I think of the meaning of “embrace”, at it’s best it’s acceptance, openness, genuine, reciprocated and relational - given and received.

Whatever came to mind for you, I want to challenge you to see EMBRACE as the first step for change. Interestingly, in the context of change, we may experience change at it’s best, and at it’s worst, having many of the same thoughts you had about EMBRACE.

Crocus flowers represent change, blooming in early spring after winter. Their growth through snow shows strength and new beginnings. The crocus lifecycle highlights themes of growth and renewal.

To engage in meaningful change, we need to embrace, at it’s best, our current place. We’re embracing our life circumstance or situation, where we are now. It can be simple, “I accept where I am”, it can be courageous, defiant, “I’m here but I’m going to get there”, maybe you feel resigned and you’ve come to a place where you can say, “I don’t like it, but I’m here.” Whatever your type of EMBRACE you have identified a place -”here”. Embrace in this context is an active identifying of our surroundings, the chair you’re sitting in, what you are physically touching, the lighting, smells, feelings. We’re practicing a technique of grounding and mindfulness, identifying where we are using our senses intentionally to embrace where we are in a moment. I’m here - I feel (touch), I see (visual), I hear (auditory), I smell (olfactory), and may be tasting. This technique can help minimize anxious feelings and thoughts, and a sense of overwhelm.

Once we identify where we are we can then consider what we want to change and begin to EXPLORE - Step 2 of the E4 Method for mastering change. Then ENGAGE - Step 3 - what I’m going to do to get from here to there, and finally EXAMINE - Step 4. Did get there? Is this where I want to be?

We are here and we want something to be different. Let’s zoom out and expand our view . Where, what or how do I want to be – physically, relationally, financially, what do I want to do?

For example, in my life there is something I need to do and want to do. I enjoy doing it once I’m doing it, but I find it difficult to start. I can find so many other things to do! This something is what I want to EMBRACE. I recognize I’m here. I have difficulty doing this something. Part of recognizing where I am is recognizing barriers getting in the way. I’ll spend time identifying the barriers. This is a huge part of EMBRACE. I want to do this something and now I know what makes it difficult. I find the barriers by objective evaluation - give yourself some grace; no judgement, feelings of guilt or disappointment to be included here.

To identify barriers we practice grounding and mindfulness – where I am right now – here. EMBRACE it. What can I physically touch or feel? What do I smell or hear? Use your senses to get your “location”. What do I feel? Anxious, happy, stress, comfortable, distracted…identify it. EMBRACE it.

Considering where we are in a single moment and focusing on that moment/ourselves may lead to feelings of overwhelm. Breathe. EMBRACE. It can also help us shrink our reality and focus to our immediate experience. Breathe. EMBRACE.

What would you like to be different? Identify the change you’d like to make based upon where you are.

It can be anything.

You choose.

You don’t need to make this big – just big enough.

Choose something challenging but not overwhelming. If you begin to feeling anxious or discouraged, embrace these. Look at where you are and what you need - reconsider and modify. Where are you? What change do you want to make.

Can you feel it? Hope?

As soon as you looked to the future there was a spark of hope because you pictured or thought of more. More of what you want/need.

Try not to get stuck on defining wants or needs. You can start with something small to practice. Pick something requiring little risk to test the method. Identifying that one thing to work on created a small idea, a future picture, a hope, of what could/can be. What is one thing you want to change? After I do this work, to complete this step, embracing where I am and the change I choose to make, I’m ready to EXPLORE - Step 2.

If you’re using the guide tell us how it’s working for you by sharing experiences, suggestions, or ask questions. Do you need more information or direction about a step? An example or more examples? Let us know, we’re always open to learning to live life well.

As we’re in this time of seasonal change maybe there’s something you want to change too. Maybe you’ve worked the E4 Method and learned you’d like something different from what you EMBRACED. You can modify your goal or you can abandoned it. Just throw it out or set it aside. I’m hopeful, and will always consider change is possible, even picking up that abandoned goal and starting again - especially starting again :)

To get the guide and more information, and to join us in the LifEdvice E4 Method change journey, sign-up at LifEdvice, Learning to live life well.

Treading Water

Are you on the shore or on the lake? In the lake? Treading water?

We’re at the place where we’re accomplishing our goals just as we planned or have left the resolutions of the new year behind and are looking at them with dread and regret because we haven’t made it as far as we had hoped. Congratulations if you’re in the first group and GREAT NEWS if you’re in the second group because we can change that!

Look around! Where are you physically, in your head, and in your heart?

If there are places you don’t want to be - Where do you want to be? Change can seem scary and it may have actually been scary. The feelings are real. How we manage feelings and change is within our control. There are changes that we can’t control - illness, choices made by others that affect us, events of nature - but we still can have some measure of control for ourselves and outcomes using the E4 Method - embrace, explore, engage, examine.

Join us in working the steps of the E4 Method. I’ll share more about each as we move through the steps, including personal examples and resources to help you be successful along the way. This is a path, a walk, and doesn’t need to be rushed. This is a method to use like a frame. You can collect information that is useful to you in achieving change and accomplishing goals. Change can be a goal in itself. You put what you choose in the frame. Here we go!

Step 1 - EMBRACE your place.

Identify where you are. I’m going to be very clever and call that place “here”. You’ll also need to consider and determine the place you want to be, or want to get to, and call that place “there”. Easy so far! These simple words represent the first steps for your goal and can be as big or as small as you choose. Take as much time as you want or need with each step as we work on each of the E4Method:

EMBRACE - EXPLORE - ENGAGE - EXAMINE

If you’re interested subscribe to LifEdvice and get the E4 Method Guide, monthly emails, and check out the blog as we make our way from here to there Learning to live life well!

I have to be perfect...

I have to be perfect…

“Often the interesting twist to this heresy is that you are the only one bound by it. Others don’t have to be perfect. Just you. Others are allowed to be human and make mistakes, but you aren’t", pg 25, I have to be Perfect (and other parsonage heresies), by Timothy L Sanford.

I hadn’t realized it…but this is often true. Are you a perfectionist? Do you have “high expectations” of yourself? Do you strive for “excellence”? Interesting that we may have an unattainable goal for ourselves but we don’t expect the same of others. Why is that?

Why is it that we may set unattainable goals or expectations for ourselves but we don’t require the same of others? We allow others to make mistakes, missteps, and miss-communications - we give others grace. I think we often wish we could grant the same to ourselves. There are times we wish someone else would give that to us.

In “I Have to be Perfect”, Tim explores the difficult world “should” creates and the negative connections that word creates impacting our self-confidence, often resulting in anxiety and depression. If you’re struggling with perfectionism, anxiety, depression - or strong emotions that may seem overwhelming - please share these with someone you trust. Just telling someone can be a powerful step toward regaining your footing in this sometimes precarious world.

During this time of year when we may be reflecting on what happened before and what may happen next, we can feel pleased, excited, hopeful, or discouraged, defeated or numb. You may need to leave some of those “should’s” in the past and focus on the “can’s”. Whatever you’re feeling or thinking be mindful of the impact to you and others. Share your feelings with someone, as I mentioned previous, or check-in with someone that is struggling and open the door for them to share with you.

I also want to challenge you to think of 3 things your thankful for in the year that is ending and 3 things that you are thankful for in the one that’s just beginning. Sharing these can be great to as well!

And if you’re finding it difficult to identify things for which you are thankful because at this time you find the world to be gray or dark, may be you have persistent thoughts about harm - contact a friend, therapist, health care provider or call 988 to get access to resources near you. Reach out, tell someone, get help. You’re not the only one - there is help.

We’re at the end of one year, entering into a new one - I encourage you to make it a hope filled, good start.

Check out Tim’s other books and the E4 Method to master change at LifEdvice, learning to live life well!

Article-SAW Approaches to Mental Health-Related Requests

Full article published in @Work Magazine, May 2023, by Aarin Harper